Just a few months ago, scienceticians and more general sciencers among the general public were treated to the very first actual pictures of a black hole that our species has ever gotten a glimpse of. Today, researchers at the Foundation for Studying Pictures of Black Holes announced the findings of a study they did on […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, NASA released the very first images of a black hole ever. Reaction to the photo was largely positive, though Fox News contributing racist blonde Muppet Timbale Lahren worried it showed “reverse racism.” One person who did not comment on the black hole pictures, however, was President Donald Trump. While there are […] More
VALLE INSÍPIDO, CALIFORNIA — Fox News contributing racist Tomahawk Lahren does not like black holes, and she has made it a lifelong mission of hers to get them renamed as “white holes’ because,. as her hashtag states, #AllHolesMatter. Last year,Tuberculosis started the hashtag when someone made her aware that there was something in the world […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — NASA sent several hundred media outlets the first ever pictures of a black hole. “We’ve exposed a part of our universe we’ve never seen before,” said Shep Doeleman, an astronomer at Harvard University who directed the effort to capture the image, during a Wednesday news conference. (The Failing New York Times) Our […] More
VAPID VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to file an official request with the White House, demanding that President Trump issue an “Imperial Presidential Decree” to NASA, directing them to rename black holes as “It’s Okay To Be White […] More
LOST ALAMO, NM – Following the tragic news of the loss of Stephen Hawking, a prominent group of White Supremaphysicists scrambled early this morning to forever memorialize the late mathematician and astronomer by renaming “black holes” to “Hawking Holes.” Of the countless contributions Dr. Stephen Hawking made to the world of astronomy, mathematics, and physics, […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General William Barr will release a document he’s calling the “Mueller Report,” to Congress and the general public this Thursday. “This Thursday, I will release what used to be the Mueller Report and is now the Mueller Black Box Catalog to the American public,” Barr announced. “And then we can finally […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump announced that he was bringing a “bigly hilarious man” to the White House to work as his new speechwriter. “This man, Shane Gillis, was recently treated very unfairly by a group of people that is also very unfair to me,” Trump […] More
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — A former American president has endorsed Donald J. Trump’s re-election campaign, sending shock waves through the political commentator class. Jefferson Davis, the first and only President of the Confederate States of America has “come out of eternal retirement” to announce he is supporting Trump’s efforts to secure the White House one more […] More
SEATTLE, WASHINGSTONED — Coffee retailer Starbucks is joining a growing list of businesses that is asking customers not to bring personal items into their stores. Earlier this year, Starbucks announced it would ask customers not to carry firearms in their locations, even in states where open carry is permitted, and several other companies including WalMart […] More
Dan Broadbent