Elon Musk Developing Non-Drowsy Antihistamine Infused Condoms

SILLYCON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A new trend is sweeping the nation: condom snorting. As if buying and deleting Facebook wasn’t newsworthy enough, tech titan and entrepreneur Elon Musk — founder of SpaceX, Tesla, and The Boring Company — wants to capitalize on the trend and has announced a new product he’s developing: Antihistamine Infused Condoms.




Just like the Tide Pod Challenge before it, condom snorting got its start on various social media channels when young people began snorting condoms up into their noses, and then pulling them down through their sinus passages and out of their mouths. Watching the viral videos of millennials snorting prophylactics gave Mr. Musk an idea, he said yesterday, during a conference call with investors.

“So my lead tech Billy and I were having lunch at this killer Thai place the other day,” Musk told investors, “and Billy tells me I have to watch these condom challenge videos. He knows me so well, because if there’s one thing I love it’s viral challenge videos.”

When he had finished watching a series of condom snorting videos, Musk says he told Billy he’d been “hella mega inspired” and instructed his lead tech to start to work on it right away. The new company will team-up with Benadryl, who will provide the allergy medication for the condoms.




“I said to Billy we could revolutionize how millennials protect themselves from gnarly allergy attacks if we made a condom infused with antihistamines,” Musk said. “Billy was right to point out we should make it non-drowsy so you could snort a condom at your workplace and still get everything done you need to.”

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Musk says he has already filed paperwork to start a new pharmaceutical tech company that will be putting the snortable condoms with antihistamines on the market, hopefully by the end of next year.

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“It takes the FDA awhile to approve new medications, but hey, it’s not like the Internet is such an unpredictable, ever changing place that by then no one will remember condom snorting so I’m not too worried about,” Musk said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have an ice bucket challenge to do and I want to finish watching that Strongbad video I was watching earlier while I perused MySpace.”

James‘ satire is found on this site, Alternative FactsThe Pastiche Postand The Political Garbage Chute.




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Written by James Schlarmann

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well.

You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.