James Schlarmann 
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Elon Musk made major headlines when he appeared on comedian Joe Rogan’s podcast and the pair enjoyed a marijuana, or “Jazz” cigarette together.
Apparently, Mr. Musk got quite the taste for cannabis thanks to that appearance, and this morning he announced that he was taking $10 million to seed a new venture. The new company will be formed from within his Boring Company, and will manufacture high quality, space-aged bongs that will also serve as miniature, personal rockets.
“Dude, I was looking at the Boring Company logo last night, and I realized, if we just dropped the R and the I from the name, it’d spell bong,” Musk told investors today, laughing hysterically as he did. “You know, like what you can use to smoke weed? Have you guys heard of weed? It’s pretty dope.”
Bong Company’s rocketbongs will retail for right around $2.8 million.
“I know that’s a lot for a bong, but that’s pretty cheap for a rocket,” Musk said. “Maybe people can crowdfund the means to buy one together.”
James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.
Buy this shirt from our exclusive store!
The Bong Company isn’t the only way Elon is attempting to break into the legal cannabis market.
“I have the SpaceX nerds working on converting our reusable side boosters into rocketbongs as well,” Musk said. “And honestly — I’m not sure whether or not turning them into massive bongs isn’t actually a better, more humanitarian use for them.”
Musk says that SpaceX and the Bong Company are even teaming up on a joint venture — a bong that only works in space.
“Everyone made a gravity bong in college. But we’re developing the world’s first and only anti-gravity bong,” Musk said. “The best thing to put you into orbit while you’re in orbit.”
Mr. Musk anticipates his companies will begin taking orders for his pot-related products by Q1 2019.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.
