James Schlarmann 
SWILLY CORN VALLEY — The Bong Company — billionaire inventor Elon Musk’s recently formed cannabis-centered accessory company — has announced that it is working closely with another of Musk’s companies to develop a breakthrough new product: an anti-gravity bong.
“Everyone’s heard of a gravity bong, and without a doubt gravity bongs are dope,” Musk told investors on a conference call from The Bong Company’s headquarters. “However, I’ve always got my sights set on the future, the horizon. And the reality is that humanity will be getting off this rock and into space, which means it’ll need a bong that works in outer space!”
Mr. Musk says that he will instruct SpaceX to send a few of its top engineers over to The Bong Company in order to design the anti-gravity bong. He hopes to have them available for purchase by the end of the year.
“We’ve even got our marketing catchphrase all picked out too,” Musk said. “Take one rip, and you’re on an intergalactic trip!”
News of the development of the anti-grav bong sent The Bong Company’s stock soaring to $420 a share. Musk tweeted he should roll up the shares and smoke them, though, which caused the price to temporarily drop until he tweeted again that he had just been joking.
The Musky Anti-Grav 5000 will retail for $2.6 million dollars. But Mr. Musk says that the first anti-grav bong won’t be the last.
“We’re thinking we might be able to turn those auto-landing side boosters into bongs too,” Musk said with a shrug. “The reality is you can turn just about anything into a bong, so we’re very stoked on that, fosho.”
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.
