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  • Trump Administration Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump Administration ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to divert “as much money as possible” into researching what impact, if any, electrolytes might have on plants. “We got a really interesting and intriguing offer from Gatorade,” President Trump announced in the Oval Office today, “and we are definitely bigly interested. Only thing […] More

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    Trump Administration Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump Administration ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to divert “as much money as possible” into researching what impact, if any, electrolytes might have on plants. “We got a really interesting and intriguing offer from Gatorade,” President Trump announced in the Oval Office today, “and we are definitely bigly interested. Only thing […] More

  • Megyn Kelly’s replacement promises to also appeal to no one and offend everyone

    NEW YORK, NY – NBC has fired Megyn Kelly after she made controversial remarks regarding the appropriateness of “blackface” – the process of white people painting their faces to appear black. The practice is widely viewed by just about every decent person as being insensitive towards people of color at the least, and at worst being blatantly […] More

  • Trump Offers Citizenship to Anchor Babies Who Sign Up For Space Force

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump could reportedly be signing an Executive Order at any moment that would effectively end birthright citizenship, even though it’s highly dubious in terms of constitutionality. Moments ago, Trump offered compromises to critics who point out that the 14th Amendment does not mention citizens, only “persons,” and that birthright citizenship […] More

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  • Megyn Kelly’s replacement promises to also appeal to no one and offend everyone for no reason

    NEW YORK, NY – NBC has fired Megyn Kelly after she made controversial remarks regarding the appropriateness of “blackface” – the process of white people painting their faces to appear black. The practice is widely viewed by just about every decent person as being insensitive towards people of color at the least, and at worst being blatantly […] More

  • Elon Musk Officially Trademarks ‘Elon Musk Offers to Buy And Then Delete’ Meme

    SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Billionaire tech guru and possible cartoon villain Elon Musk announced in an investor call today that he has legally secured the rights to a meme that has grown in popularity at an exponential rate since its inception. “Yeah, right, so we’re today to announce that Tesla, SpaceX, the Boring Company, […] More

  • Trump to Apply ‘Natural Instinct for Science’ and Personally Rewrite School Curriculum

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Planning to bring his “natural instinct for science” to bear, President Donald Trump announced today that he would be working with his education secretary to completely rewrite the nation’s scientific curriculum. “It’s been said by many, many people — some of whom didn’t even have a financial reason for being nice to […] More

  • Astronaut Admits He Faked Moon Orgasm

    WINDY FALLS, MINNESOTA — For years, Commander Glenn Mitchum has dined out on the fact that he is one of a handful of humans that have spent time on the moon. Mitchum’s friends have been getting regaled with lunar legends ever since he returned from his mission all those years ago. To Stupidity, and Beyond! […] More

  • Musk’s Cannabis Accessory Company Working on Anti-Gravity Bong

    SWILLY CORN VALLEY — The Bong Company — billionaire inventor Elon Musk’s recently formed cannabis-centered accessory company — has announced that it is working closely with another of Musk’s companies to develop a breakthrough new product: an anti-gravity bong. “Everyone’s heard of a gravity bong, and without a doubt gravity bongs are dope,” Musk told […] More

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