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  • Alex Jones’ Chem Trail Dealer Arrested

    CORN PONE, TEXAS — In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events, the man who has supplied right-wing provocateur Alex Jones with his chemtrail supply for years has been arrested and is awaiting arraignment in a Texas courtroom at the time of publication. He’s accused of selling vaccines on the black market. “This morning, we […] More

  • President Acknowledges He Had to Buy His Sons’ Way Into Trump University

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, America was rocked by a scandal involving a few dozen highly-connected, wealthy parents essentially bribing college officials into admitting their children. Two of the biggest names involved are actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, who were both arrested in connection with the FBI sting operation. The president’s third-smartest son, Donald […] More

  • Trump Nominates Li “Cindy” Yang as New Secretary of Hand Labor

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced a new cabinet department has been created, and in the Oval Office today he officially appointed its first secretary. “It’s everyone’s great pleasure and honor to see me and hear my voice,” President Trump said to reporters from various right-wing news outlets, blogs, and klan pamphlets. “And […] More

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  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “How Dare Democrats Kill Babies Before We Can Deprive Them of Basic Needs?”

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY), Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, issued a sweeping document request from 81 different individuals and entities associated with President Donald Trump, his businesses, his campaign, and his administration. The committee is launching an investigation into what they believe is a pattern of abusive, and perhaps criminal […] More

  • Trump’s CPAC Flag Asks Why He ‘Couldn’t He Have Just Taken a Knee Instead’

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the weekend, President Donald Trump spoke at CPAC — the Conservative Political Action Conference — and gave a barn burning, two-hour long monologue that often times veered off script into the bizarre and unhinged. At one point, Mr. Trump began forcing himself physically on an American flag that also happened to […] More

  • Trump Complained to Aides He Didn’t Get to Stay in Hanoi Hilton Like ‘That Fake War Hero McCain’

    WASHINGTON. D.C. — President Donald Trump abruptly walked away from his much-ballyhooed summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un this week, and is back in the White House. Some have praised Trump for walking away from what he thought was a bad deal with North Korea, and others have wondered if the summit was just […] More

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