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  • New SCOTUS ruling makes all your Facebook friends legal experts

    JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI – Following a new Supreme Court ruling today, all of your friends on Facebook are now officially legal experts. According to a new study published by Stanford University, after every major SCOTUS ruling, 80% of your Facebook friends will read a couple headlines from their preferred news outlets that comfort their personal bias, […] More

  • Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

    This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA — Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse and Florida resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary’s Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, when Jane missed her period in May, she took […] More

  • Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-As

    This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) wants NASA to “find some places where we can turn this country’s dangerous obsession with ‘science’ and ‘space’” into something the whole country can benefit from. This week, Cruz announced that he plans to propose the “Turn All Our Old […] More

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  • Study Confirms Mike Pence Thinks About Butt Sex More Than People Participating In Butt Sex

    BONTÉ FALLS, WEST VIRGINIA — Researchers in West Virginia recently published the results of a study they conducted which they say proves Vice President Mike Pence “thinks about butt sex more than people having butt sex think about butt sex.” Dr. Randall Samilost is a behavioral psychologist at the West Virginia Institute of Science of Technology and […] More

  • DeVos Orders All New Educational Proclamations Hammered Into Schools’ Outside Walls

    This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing a need to make the “direction, tone, tenor, and goals” of her Department of Education as “clear as possible,” Betsy DeVos has issued an official memorandum, directing all future educational decrees framed and hammered into the walls outside of every school in the […] More

  • DeVos To Tap Breitbart and InfoWars To Revise Nation’s History, Science Textbooks

    This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, the Department of Education announced that it would begin contracting with two right-wing media outlets to help shape history textbooks for classrooms starting in 2019. “This morning, Co-President Trump, having gotten permission first from Real President Bannon,” Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said […] More

  • Jordan Peterson fan struggles to explain things Jordan Peterson said

    MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA – An avid fan of famed ‘dark web’ intellectual Jordan Peterson announced to his friends today that he can’t actually explain the things Jordan Peterson says because he doesn’t think that Jordan Peterson is actually saying anything in the first place. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. A lot of people […] More

  • Jordan Peterson & Deepak Chopra announce their new book: Much Ado About Nothing

    TORONTO, ONTARIO – Riding the wave of his recent rise to fame, today Jordan Peterson announced that he has partnered with world-renowned intellectual Deepak Chopra to write a new book entitled Much Ado About Nothing. In an exclusive interview with Alternative-Science.com, Peterson explained what sparked the idea for the book, and why he chose to […] More

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