WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump announced that he was bringing a “bigly hilarious man” to the White House to work as his new speechwriter. “This man, Shane Gillis, was recently treated very unfairly by a group of people that is also very unfair to me,” Trump […] More
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — A former American president has endorsed Donald J. Trump’s re-election campaign, sending shock waves through the political commentator class. Jefferson Davis, the first and only President of the Confederate States of America has “come out of eternal retirement” to announce he is supporting Trump’s efforts to secure the White House one more […] More
SEATTLE, WASHINGSTONED — Coffee retailer Starbucks is joining a growing list of businesses that is asking customers not to bring personal items into their stores. Earlier this year, Starbucks announced it would ask customers not to carry firearms in their locations, even in states where open carry is permitted, and several other companies including WalMart […] More
WALLACE, GEORGIA — A man in a MAGA hat burning a cross on the lawn of his black neighbor is not a racist, he says. “You know who the real racists are? The Democrats, that’s who,” the man tells us as he watches the embers fly from the cross he’s set ablaze just moments ago. […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced on Twitter over the weekend that a secret meeting between U.S. and Taliban officials that was to be held at Camp David on the anniversary week of the September 11th, 2001 terror attacks was cancelled. Trump indicated that a deadly attack that left a U.S. soldier and 11 more […] More
CORNHOLE FALLS, IDAHO — Chad McMichaels is a 36 year old devout, born again Evangelical Christian. As such, Chad believes that abortion should be illegal because as he says, life begins at conception. “Though if I’m being honest, I’ve thought about it and it seems that if life begins at conception, you’d have to look […] More
Just a few months ago, scienceticians and more general sciencers among the general public were treated to the very first actual pictures of a black hole that our species has ever gotten a glimpse of. Today, researchers at the Foundation for Studying Pictures of Black Holes announced the findings of a study they did on […] More
Recently, researchers at the Global Online Institute of Looking Into and Verifying Things conducted a test on over 10,000 supporters of Donald Trump. The test was quite simple — lab workers showed each Trump supporter 15 pictures of presidential powers being held in check by the Constitution. The test was to see how many of […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump reporters today that he’s “pretty sure” he’s not racist, although he admitted that it’s “been tough to tell lately.” “You know, sure I was sued by the federal government in the 1970’s because I literally wasn’t letting black people rent apartments in some of my buildings I wanted to […] More
