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  • Teen gets pregnant after snorting condoms at a party

    CINCINNATI, OH – A teenager at a local high school has announced that after snorting five condoms at a party last month, she is now pregnant. The teen took to Facebook to make the announcement, stating the following: Ms. Fisher later explained what happened that led to the pregnancy: So I was like, totally having […] More

  • What The Zuck? Musk Mulls Buying And Deleting Facebook

    SILLYCON VALLEY, CA —  Tech titan Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted the official SpaceX and Tesla pages from Facebook. Musk clarified he did so because Facebook gives him “the willies.” It’s not a political statement and I didn’t do this because someone dared me to do it. Just don’t like Facebook. Gives me […] More

  • David “Avocado” Wolfe Named FDA High Wizard Chieftain Of Raw Foods And Woo

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump isn’t quite done filling important jobs at the federal level. This morning Trump announced that he has directed the Food and Drug Administration to create a new, special post and he intends to fill it with nutritionist David “Avocado” Wolfe. Trump has cozied up to people with non-traditional views […] More

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    Elon Musk Offers To Buy And Then Delete Facebook

    Earlier this week, Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted the official SpaceX and Tesla pages from Facebook. Musk made certain to clarify that he didn’t make the decision for political reasons, but rather because Facebook gives him “the willies.” It’s not a political statement and I didn’t do this because someone dared me […] More

  • Elon Musk Offers To Buy And Then Delete Facebook

    Earlier this week, Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted the official SpaceX and Tesla pages from Facebook. Musk made certain to clarify that he didn’t make the decision for political reasons, but rather because Facebook gives him “the willies.” It’s not a political statement and I didn’t do this because someone dared me […] More

  • Trump Announces U.S. Will Celebrate Flat Earth Day Instead

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning as he was heading out to a Dunkin’ Donuts near the White House for his “pre-golf fuel up,” as he’d later call it, President Donald Trump announced that the United States will officially pull out of global Earth Day celebrations. Instead, the United States government will recognize the same day, […] More

  • NRA host tells Parkland teens: ‘No one would know your names if classmates were still alive’

    HOUSTON, TEXAS – Colion Noir, a host on NRA TV, had the following message for the victims of the Parkland, Florida school shooting: To all the kids from Parkland getting ready to use your First Amendment to attack everyone else’s Second Amendment at your march on Saturday, I wish a hero like Blaine Gaskill had […] More

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