Hooters announces store closures, says Millennials ‘eating too much ass’

Hooters CEO: ‘Millennials are eating too much ass, not enough wings’

ATLANTA, GA – Hooters CEO Terrance Marks announced that after a 35 year run, all Hooters stores nationwide will be closing their doors for good on Friday.

The CEO took to Twitter yesterday morning to make the announcement:

This news comes as a shock to tens of tens of people. Hooters’ claim to fame is allowing men to objectify young women while consuming subpar food.

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Here’s what CEO Terrance Marks had to say to Alternative-Science.com:

Our market research showed us that too many Millennials are staying home and eating ass instead of coming to our stores where they can see women’s cleavage in goofy-looking outfits. So we made changes that we thought at the time would help our brand stay relevant. We thought that if we made our food taste like ass, Millennials would swarm our stores. But I guess in the end, they realized ‘why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free?’