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  • Medical Community Stunned By Discovery of Vertebrate Democrat

    Doctors and medical professionals all over the country, and indeed the world, are marveling right now that the discovery of a new breed of human being. It’s been quite a long time since anthropologists could announce the discovery of a new subspecies of human. From coast to coast, however, doctors and medical staff are giving […] More

  • Pervy Conspiracy Theorist Storms Area 69 Instead

    AREA 69, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — While everyone else has been busy preparing for an invasion of Area 51, the government’s top secret desert outpost that allegedly contains alien secrets, Tad Wilson was busy preparing to storm another area altogether. “What can I say? I like to flip things upside down sometimes,” Tad told us via […] More

  • Shane Gillis Hired as Trump’s New Speechwriter

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump announced that he was bringing a “bigly hilarious man” to the White House to work as his new speechwriter. “This man, Shane Gillis, was recently treated very unfairly by a group of people that is also very unfair to me,” Trump […] More

  • A Former President Just Endorsed Donald Trump’s Re-Election Bid

    RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — A former American president has endorsed Donald J. Trump’s re-election campaign, sending shock waves through the political commentator class.  Jefferson Davis, the first and only President of the Confederate States of America has “come out of eternal retirement” to announce he is supporting Trump’s efforts to secure the White House one more […] More

  • Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Open Carry Vape Pens in Stores

    SEATTLE, WASHINGSTONED — Coffee retailer Starbucks is joining a growing list of businesses that is asking customers not to bring personal items into their stores. Earlier this year, Starbucks announced it would ask customers not to carry firearms in their locations, even in states where open carry is permitted, and several other companies including WalMart […] More

  • President Cancels Plans for Twin Trump Towers in Kabul

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced on Twitter over the weekend that a secret meeting between U.S. and Taliban officials that was to be held at Camp David on the anniversary week of the September 11th, 2001 terror attacks was cancelled. Trump indicated that a deadly attack that left a U.S. soldier and 11 more […] More

  • Pictures Confirm Black Hole Swallowing Charlie Kirk’s Face

    Just a few months ago, scienceticians and more general sciencers among the general public were treated to the very first actual pictures of a black hole that our species has ever gotten a glimpse of. Today, researchers at the Foundation for Studying Pictures of Black Holes announced the findings of a study they did on […] More

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