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  • President Demands Facebook and Twitter Force Users to Like Garbage Civilized People Don’t Want to Read

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is part of a group of Americans who believe that social media companies like Facebook and Twitter are engaging in an active effort to silence conservative voices. While social media executives and engineers have tried to explain multiple times that their algorithm simply rewards content that people wish to […] More

  • Trump Says Pentagon Would Be ‘More Easier to Enter’ If It Were Round Instead

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, President Trump visited the Pentagon. While not much is known about the president’s visit, the administration released the details one conversation the president had with several key advisers and high-ranking members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “You know, it was very confusing entering this building,” Trump told one of […] More

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    NBC To Issue Presidential Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

    NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Since becoming President, Donald Trump has tweeted his displeasure with the cast and crew of “Saturday Night Live” mocking him on multiple occasions. Trump attacked the long-running sketch comedy show before he was even sworn-in. Just tried watching Saturday Night Live – unwatchable! Totally biased, not funny and the Baldwin […] More

  • Jussie Smollett and Jacob Wohl Open Self-Defense Clinic and Creative Writing Workshop

    Actor/musician Jussie Smollet and right-wing troll/provocateur/lifelong virgin incel Jacob Wohl announced today that they have opened a new traveling self-defense clinic. “It’s like a pop-up dojo, kinda,” Smollett told reporters outside the first location of Jussie and Jacob’s Totally Legitimate Self-Defense Clinic and Creative Writing Workshop. Jacob chimed in. “It’s also going to have a […] More

  • Alex Jones’ Chem Trail Dealer Arrested

    CORN PONE, TEXAS — In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events, the man who has supplied right-wing provocateur Alex Jones with his chemtrail supply for years has been arrested and is awaiting arraignment in a Texas courtroom at the time of publication. He’s accused of selling vaccines on the black market. “This morning, we […] More

  • President Acknowledges He Had to Buy His Sons’ Way Into Trump University

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, America was rocked by a scandal involving a few dozen highly-connected, wealthy parents essentially bribing college officials into admitting their children. Two of the biggest names involved are actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, who were both arrested in connection with the FBI sting operation. The president’s third-smartest son, Donald […] More

  • Trump Nominates Li “Cindy” Yang as New Secretary of Hand Labor

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced a new cabinet department has been created, and in the Oval Office today he officially appointed its first secretary. “It’s everyone’s great pleasure and honor to see me and hear my voice,” President Trump said to reporters from various right-wing news outlets, blogs, and klan pamphlets. “And […] More

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