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  • Chinese Government Admits Climate Change ‘Total and Complete Bigly Hoax’

    SOME CHINESE SOUNDING PLACE, CHINA — The totally real government of China released a totally legitimate statement to the world press today, perhaps dropping a bombshell on the scientific and political communities in the process — and admitted that they created the hoax known as “climate change.” “Dear The World and Exspeshully That Super Cool, […] More

  • Weather Channel Adding Local Mass Shooting Forecasts to U.S. Broadcasts

    ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in their local weather segments they broadcast. The move comes in response to the fact that, as one media liaison for the channel put it, “it’s becoming easier to predict a mass shooting than […] More

  • Jim Acosta is Opening a No-Impact Kung Fu Dojo

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just a couple of days after finding himself at the heart of a story of national import, and only hours after having his White House press credentials revoked, CNN reporter Jim Acosta is reportedly opening a martial arts dojo that will teach no-contact kung fu. “I’ve never considered myself a martial artist, […] More

  • After Sessions resigns, Trump nominates Ally McBeal as Attorney General

    WASHINGTON, DC – In a shocking turn of events, Attorney General Jeff Sessions resigned from the Department of Justice today and Ally McBeal was nominated as his replacement. According to CNN: “At your request I am submitting my resignation,” Sessions wrote in a letter to White House chief of staff John Kelly. FINALLY! It’s about […] More

  • Trump Wants His New Space Force’s Guns To Go “PEW PEW!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump reportedly surprised even his own administration officials when he directed the Department of Defense to begin the process of establishing the United States Space Force. To Stupidity, and Beyond! If actually created, the Space Force would be the first new branch of the armed forces since the Air Force […] More

  • Trump Administration Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump Administration ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to divert “as much money as possible” into researching what impact, if any, electrolytes might have on plants. “We got a really interesting and intriguing offer from Gatorade,” President Trump announced in the Oval Office today, “and we are definitely bigly interested. Only thing […] More

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    Trump Administration Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump Administration ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to divert “as much money as possible” into researching what impact, if any, electrolytes might have on plants. “We got a really interesting and intriguing offer from Gatorade,” President Trump announced in the Oval Office today, “and we are definitely bigly interested. Only thing […] More

  • Megyn Kelly’s replacement promises to also appeal to no one and offend everyone

    NEW YORK, NY – NBC has fired Megyn Kelly after she made controversial remarks regarding the appropriateness of “blackface” – the process of white people painting their faces to appear black. The practice is widely viewed by just about every decent person as being insensitive towards people of color at the least, and at worst being blatantly […] More

  • Trump Offers Citizenship to Anchor Babies Who Sign Up For Space Force

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump could reportedly be signing an Executive Order at any moment that would effectively end birthright citizenship, even though it’s highly dubious in terms of constitutionality. Moments ago, Trump offered compromises to critics who point out that the 14th Amendment does not mention citizens, only “persons,” and that birthright citizenship […] More

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