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  • This Cat ‘Pretty Sure’ He’d Be a Better President Than Donald Trump

    NEW CATFORD, NEW YORK — Mr. Whisker Bottoms is a Feline-American. He is currently residing in the same home with the same family he’s been in since he was adopted as a rescue kitten in 2007. Whisker Bottoms describes himself as a “social progressive” and “fiscal moderate” and he really enjoys discussing and reading about politics, […] More

  • 5 Things Every Socialist Moocher Liberal Should Be Thankful Fo

    The following is reprinted from a pamphlet being given by Congressional Republicans to their constituents during town hall meetings in their districts. It’s that time of year again. It’s Thanksgiving time — a time of great American tradition and values. So while you are preparing to take part in that great American tradition of Thanksgiving […] More

  • Giant, Rotting, Racist Pumpkin Spotted on White House Steps

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Halloween is today, and the White House preparations for the holiday are in full swing. Decorations were hung all around the president’s residence and bowls of candy have been being prepared for days now. While the mood is generally festive and upbeat, sources say there are growing concerns over a massive, rotting […] More

  • President Says California Fires Made Worse by ‘Windmills Making So Much Wind’

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump, who is also a noted scientist with published theories on the safety of looking right at a solar eclipse, told reporters today that in his estimation the multiple, deadly fires burning in California are being made worse by windmills in the state. There are currently at least four very […] More

  • Medical Community Stunned By Discovery of Vertebrate Democrat

    Doctors and medical professionals all over the country, and indeed the world, are marveling right now that the discovery of a new breed of human being. It’s been quite a long time since anthropologists could announce the discovery of a new subspecies of human. From coast to coast, however, doctors and medical staff are giving […] More

  • Pervy Conspiracy Theorist Storms Area 69 Instead

    AREA 69, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — While everyone else has been busy preparing for an invasion of Area 51, the government’s top secret desert outpost that allegedly contains alien secrets, Tad Wilson was busy preparing to storm another area altogether. “What can I say? I like to flip things upside down sometimes,” Tad told us via […] More

  • Shane Gillis Hired as Trump’s New Speechwriter

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump announced that he was bringing a “bigly hilarious man” to the White House to work as his new speechwriter. “This man, Shane Gillis, was recently treated very unfairly by a group of people that is also very unfair to me,” Trump […] More

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