The 9 Most Dangerous, Least Talked About Side Effects Of Vaccinating Your Children

Big Pharma, the government, and “doctors” all tell you that vaccinating your children is a good thing. They use big words like “herd immunity” and “not letting the species die off because you read a single article from pharmashillskill dot com” and they try to convince you that vaccination is the only option for sane, rational parents to make.

But, sciencetastically speaking, is that correct? Big Pharma of course doesn’t want you to know this, but there are documented side effects of vaccinating your children, and this publication will not shy away from exposing the truth, no matter how many sheeple tell us otherwise.

The following are the ten most dangerous side effects of vaccination, which we compiled doing our own research*. We think you’ll agree, after reading this list, the time has come for us to have a serious discussion about whether we think saving a few billion lives is worth it all.

To Stupidity, and Beyond!

The 9 Most Dangerous, Least Talked About Side Effects Of Vaccinating Your Children

#9. Your Neighbor, Who Never Returned Your Weed Whacker, Wont Die a Slow, Painful, But Totally Preventable Death

It’s been fifteen months, Bob. Leave a note at least would ya?

#8. Humankind Will Never Fully Unlock The Healing Power of Thoughts and Prayers

How will we ever know if thoughts and prayers are the panacea we’re pretttttttttttttttttttttttttttttty sure it is, if we go around giving people shots that make the thoughts and prayers pretty much unnecessary.

#7. Your Son/Daughter Won’t Live A Single Day Inside A Bubble

You wanna be the one to tell Little Susie she doesn’t have to spend her days in a plastic bubble, because you had the audacity to have her pediatrician safeguard her from diseases that used to be much more common and extremely fatal? Why do you wanna rob her of such a precious gift, you jerk?!

#6. Smallpox Won’t Be Given The Chance It Deserves To Live, Thrive, And Succeed

It says it right in this country’s Declaration of Independence, people. We’re all entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I don’t see anything in there about that stuff not applying to diseases that could wipe humanity off the planet, do you?

#5. Your Kid Could Live Unnaturally Long Lives

Do you really think we’re meant to be on this planet more than 20, 25 years? Get a grip.

#4. You Might Have To Pay For All Your Kids’ College Tuition

Dude. Do you have ANY idea how expensive college is? I get paying for one, maybe two of your progeny to get a higher education, but do you really want to be on the hook for them all? C’mon, don’t vaccinate a couple of them, and watch your disposable income shoot way, way up in your golden years!

#3. Babies Won’t Get The Cutest Little Cases of Polio

Guys, no one is saying polio is good, okay? No one is saying polio isn’t painful. No one is saying that kids dying from polio is a “feel good” story. However, there isn’t any cuter case of polio you can get than when you’re an adorable little goo-goo-gah-gah-ing bundle of squishy adorableness! There really is no cuter polio patient than a baby polio patient.

#2. Big Pharma Won’t Be Choked To Death On Its Own Corporate Greed Cuz You Know They’re Giving Us the Disease And Sellin’ Us The Cure, Man!

We all know the only reason Big Pharma pushes vaccines is money. They really care about your kids, or their kids. They just want to give us live saving and extending medications, and they are willing to do it FOR MONEY. Do you want that on your conscience? Oh, what, you think protecting the species from preventable extinction is worth some jerk in a suit getting a bonus or something? Shameful.

#1. Dr. Jenny McCarthy Will Never Receive Her Well-Earned Nobel Prize

And we don’t want to live in a world where Dr. McCarthy’s enormous…contributions…aren’t celebrated. 

*research conducted via Google queries such as “Why come vaccines bad?” and “Only show me links that claim vaccinations cause autism.”

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

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Written by James Schlarmann

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well.

You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.