WASHINGTON, D.C. — Planning to bring his “natural instinct for science” to bear, President Donald Trump announced today that he would be working with his education secretary to completely rewrite the nation’s scientific curriculum. “It’s been said by many, many people — some of whom didn’t even have a financial reason for being nice to […] More
WINDY FALLS, MINNESOTA — For years, Commander Glenn Mitchum has dined out on the fact that he is one of a handful of humans that have spent time on the moon. Mitchum’s friends have been getting regaled with lunar legends ever since he returned from his mission all those years ago. “I imagine I’ve probably […] More
SWILLY CORN VALLEY — The Bong Company — billionaire inventor Elon Musk’s recently formed cannabis-centered accessory company — has announced that it is working closely with another of Musk’s companies to develop a breakthrough new product: an anti-gravity bong. “Everyone’s heard of a gravity bong, and without a doubt gravity bongs are dope,” Musk told […] More
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Elon Musk made major headlines when he appeared on comedian Joe Rogan’s podcast and the pair enjoyed a marijuana, or “Jazz” cigarette together. Apparently, Mr. Musk got quite the taste for cannabis thanks to that appearance, and this morning he announced that he was taking $10 million to seed a […] More
WASHINGTON, DC – Following announcement of Nikki Haley resigning as US Ambassador to the United Nations, word quickly spread that President Donald Trump was considering his daughter, Ivanka Trump, as a replacement to Haley. Get our #Cthulhu2020 shirt, on sale exclusively in our store! Ivanka Trump added fuel to the fire on Twitter, releasing a […] More
Me neither. But let us know if you find some tape from those wild times. We’d love to see it. More
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – A local man has once and for all proven that God does not exist, because varieties of “mint” are the dominant flavors of toothpaste. He took to Facebook to make a late-night post, possibly as he was brushing his teeth with his phenomenal Sonicare DiamondClean toothbrush before retiring for the evening: The […] More
This story was first published on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. — The very same Republican Senator who once made headlines when he threw a snowball on the floor of the Senate to disprove climate change, Senator Jim Inhofe (R-OK) recently decided he was not done debunking science. Taking to the floor in gym shorts, a […] More
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ATLANTA, GA – Hooters CEO Terrance Marks announced that after a 35 year run, all Hooters stores nationwide will be closing their doors for good on Friday. The CEO took to Twitter yesterday morning to make the announcement: This news comes as a shock to tens of tens of people. Hooters’ claim to fame is […] More
SINGAPORE — Hours before meeting for a historic summit between himself and North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un, President Donald Trump has announced a “key plan” his administration has put together which they say they represents their agenda on climate change. “I wasn’t planning on doing much for climate change,” Trump tweeted, “given that it’s […] More
