Sanctuary Cities to Move Illegal Immigrants Dumped on Them by The White House to Trump Resorts

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The battle between the Trump administration and so-called “sanctuary cities” is really starting to heat up.

It was revealed in a newspaper report that President Trump asked DHS officials if detained migrants at the southern border could simply be dropped off within the city limits of those municipalities who consider themselves “sanctuary” cities. Though shocking to some, President Trump did not shy away from this report, and instead seems to have steered into the controversy. Just this morning, Trump tweeted angry confirmation that he was indeed considering this plan.

Citing what he called “the fact that Democrats are unwilling to change” the country’s “dangerous immigration laws,” he is considering implementing the policy.

Ultimately, a sanctuary city is a locality that does not automatically comply with demands made by Immigration and Customs Enforcement to turn over suspects without a warrant. Though this is what the Constitution’s Bill of Rights demands to be the process, conservative Republicans have railed against the practice since cities started ordering their police departments to stop automatically complying with ICE orders.

“Look, I’m a states’ rights guy,” Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky told us via Skype, “but only stuff like guns and age of consent laws, because marrying your 15 year old cousin while you fire off a few rounds from your semiautomatic rifle is not only American, it’s the only damn thing I was elected to protect!”

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Up to just about an hour ago, the cities the president attacked on Twitter had not responded. However, when Republican pundit and outspoken critic of President Trump Ana Navarro-Cardenas tweeted a sarcastic suggestion, that got the mayors of the various cities talking to one another. The tweet suggested that instead of dumping the illegal immigrants in sanctuary cities, they be handed off to various resorts owned by Trump and his family.

“When we saw Ms. Navarro’s tweet, it gave us an idea,” Major’s Council spokesman Cheryl Sherman told us. “So we held a quick meeting over a conference call, and came up with the relocation relocation policy.”

Mayors from the cities of San Francisco, New Orleans, and New York City, and several more have agreed to pool resources and hire a fleet of buses and cars to move anyone who the Trump administration places in their limits to a Trump-owned resort. This “relocation relocation” plan will take effect as soon as Trump’s relocation effort does.

“Of course we’d rather Congress actually address immigration reform in a meaningful way,” Sherman said. “But honestly, why would Trump complain? We’re saving his HR staff a lot of time this way.”

The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

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Written by James Schlarmann

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well.

You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.