President Cancels Plans for Twin Trump Towers in Kabul

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced on Twitter over the weekend that a secret meeting between U.S. and Taliban officials that was to be held at Camp David on the anniversary week of the September 11th, 2001 terror attacks was cancelled. Trump indicated that a deadly attack that left a U.S. soldier and 11 more dead, an attack that the Taliban took credit for, was the reason he was canceling the Camp David talks.

The war in Afghanistan is the United States’ longest running military conflict, and efforts have been made in the last several months to finally bring the fighting to a conclusion. While many on both sides of the political divide applaud efforts to end the war, may raised eyebrows and criticized the administration for bringing people who harbored the terrorists who plotted and committed the attacks onto American soil the week of the anniversary of the attacks that served as a catalyst for starting the war in the first place.

This morning, Trump made another announcement.

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“Unfortunately, we are going to have to scrap the plans we had to build two glorious Trump Towers in Kabul,” Trump announced via Twitter, “because the Taliban had to go and kill our soldier. As much as I — er I mean, the Trump Organization, which I am totally not in any way a part of or enriching with my presidency, would have loved to get those towers built, now is just not the time, unfortunately.”

Later in the day, Mr. Trump was spotted as he left the White House for his routine lunch break. He was asked questions about the now scrapped plans for two Trump towers in Kabul.

“They were going to be two, big, beautiful towers. You know, to honor and commemorate the ones that got knocked down,” Trump explained. “We just figured if anyone knew about how to build a couple towers, it’s the people who knocked the last ones down. It’s like hiring someone who blows up bridges to build one. Who else would know about building a good, strong bridge than the people who blow up the old and weak ones?”

President Trump says he was “never, ever, ever afraid” of running afoul of the Constitution’s emoluments clause. Though the clause is meant to keep a president from enriching his personal interests by way of the presidency, Trump says “that doesn’t doesn’t apply” to him.

“Because I’m me. And my mommy made it very clear to me that the rules are the rules for poor people, not me,” Trump insisted. “Besides, if Nancy Pelosi doesn’t care enough to do anything about my gross malfeasance and obvious corruption, why should anyone else?”

Reached for comment, Speaker Pelosi largely agreed with the president.

“He’s right. If I don’t care enough to act, why should he care enough to stop acting like an asshole,” Pelosi asked rhetorically. “Besides, pretending to do something is almost as good as doing something when it comes to politics.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

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Written by James Schlarmann

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well.

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