If You Hear “Yanny” You’re Probably Going To Die

When Cloe Feldman uploaded an audio clip to Twitter and asked people whether they heard the word “Yanny” or the word “Laurel” in it, she touched off this year’s new “Blue or White Dress?” Internet phenomenon. Taken from an audio clip Feldman found on Reddit, the original poster claims it’s a recording from Vocabulary.com’s pronunciation feature.

Feldman’s tweet, below.

It seems like everyone from regular people to celebrities have an opinion as to what is heard when one listens to the recording.

Some say they hear the word “Yanny.” Others say they hear “Laurel.” The Failing New York Times went so far as to have a tool created that enhances the audio file in ways that allow you to hear the word both ways. However, shocking new reporting seems to indicate they may have opened a sort of Pandora’s Box by doing so, and might be liable for the deaths of untold hundreds, if not thousands, if not millions of people.

How is that possible, you ask? Because scientists at the National Institute for Auditory Killing Plagues, or NIAKP has analyzed the recording and released a chilling report.

“If you are one of the people who hears the word ‘Yanny’ in the recording, you could be in horrible, terrible danger,” NIAKP Spokesperson Susan McGee told us. “Because this recording contains the spirit of Globglogabgalab, a mythical creature who loves books.”

Apparently, books aren’t the only thing that Globglogabgalab loves though.

“Globglogabgalab loves books, yes,” McGee said. “But he also loves killing people. And unfortunately for humanity, he’s read a ton of books on how to kill humans”

McGee says that Globglogabgalab  has used that knowledge to sinister ends, crafting the Yanny/Laurel audio sound file and imbuing it with mystical, dark powers.  Globglogabgalab specifically cursed the word “Yanny,” and McGee says now those people who hear it have a near certain chance of death.

“We of course can’t predict who will die immediately if they hear Yanny and who won’t, that’s the nature of the curse Globglogabgalab put on the sound files,” McGee said. “But we can predict with 100% statistical certainty that everyone who years ‘Yanny’ will die…eventually…at some point…so this is definitely not an alarmist, overreaction to a harmless Internet meme. This is rilly rill, guys.”

So far there have been no reports of Yanny/Laurel related deaths. Globglogabgalab could not be reached for comment.

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Atheists STORM the Capital to spread their agenda of "being nice"

Written by James Schlarmann

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well.

You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.