WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, Representative Mo Brooks made global headlines when during a meeting of the U.S. House of Representatives Science, Space and Technology Committee he posited a theory on rising sea levels.
While discussing climate change and its impact on the planet’s oceans, Brooks suggested that rock slides and erosion might be contributing factors moreso than human beings.
“Every time you have that soil or rock or whatever it is that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise, because now you have less space in those oceans, because the bottom is moving up,” Brooks said. (source)
Members of Big Climatology of course seized on his comments and quickly hammered Rep. Brooks for them.
“That kind of statement is so dumb and unscientific it just had to come from a congressman and not someone who has been in a science class at any point in the last thirty years,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieu of the National Institute of Weather Patterns and Predictions told us. “But hey, when there’s a brain surgeon leading the housing department, all bets are off these days anyway.”
Perhaps in an effort to quell some of the controversy over his statements, Mr. Brooks told reporters this morning during a press conference that while he sticks by his “theory” because it “properly distorts the issue and keeps us from talking about solutions.” However, Brooks also offered an explanation for why his theory might not line up with the consensus among some in the so-called scientific community.
“To be honest with you folks, perhaps I should have said this before I asked my questions about rising sea levels,” Brooks began this morning. “But, well, I got rocks in my head. I have so many rocks in my head, in fact, that it seems to have had an affect on my IQ, which is to say it has lowered it.”
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Brooks explained that many years ago, in an effort to have all the “liberal hogwash” he learned in “government indoctrination schools” removed from his brain, he had most everything in his skull removed and replaced with various sized rocks.
“And over time, I’ve added more rocks, to keep the libtards and their knowledge and facts at bay,” Brooks explained. “Well, I guess I’ve hit some kinda tipping point, and I don’t just mean because there are so many rocks in my head now that I tip over a lot.”
Geologists are currently ascertaining what kinds of rocks are in Brooks’ head, and at the direction of the White House, whether they can be mined for precious materials. This is a developing story.
James‘ satire is also found on:
The Political Garbage Chute
The Pastiche Post