Actor/musician Jussie Smollet and right-wing troll/provocateur/lifelong virgin incel Jacob Wohl announced today that they have opened a new traveling self-defense clinic. “It’s like a pop-up dojo, kinda,” Smollett told reporters outside the first location of Jussie and Jacob’s Totally Legitimate Self-Defense Clinic and Creative Writing Workshop. Jacob chimed in. “It’s also going to have a […] More
CORN PONE, TEXAS — In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events, the man who has supplied right-wing provocateur Alex Jones with his chemtrail supply for years has been arrested and is awaiting arraignment in a Texas courtroom at the time of publication. He’s accused of selling vaccines on the black market. “This morning, we […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, America was rocked by a scandal involving a few dozen highly-connected, wealthy parents essentially bribing college officials into admitting their children. Two of the biggest names involved are actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, who were both arrested in connection with the FBI sting operation. The president’s third-smartest son, Donald […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced a new cabinet department has been created, and in the Oval Office today he officially appointed its first secretary. “It’s everyone’s great pleasure and honor to see me and hear my voice,” President Trump said to reporters from various right-wing news outlets, blogs, and klan pamphlets. “And […] More
CORNPONE, ALABAMA — A man who was at an evangelical church visited by President Trump just sold a Bible the president autographed for him on eBay for an astounding sum. “I was just completely blown away. That’s more money than I get in welfare assistance every month since I lost my job back in ’08,” […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a meeting with business leaders this week, President Trump referred to Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple Computers, as “Tim Apple.” Mr. Cook apparently took the misnomer in humorous stride, though, because the very next day he had changed his name on Twitter to be “Tim” and then an apple emoji. […] More
SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Billionaire tech guru and innovator Elon Musk isn’t content to just buy and then delete social media monoliths anymore. Musk has moved onto buying much more rare items, according to leaked reports out of his inner circle. Having already bought Facebook with the intent to delete it, word is that Musk […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY), Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, issued a sweeping document request from 81 different individuals and entities associated with President Donald Trump, his businesses, his campaign, and his administration. The committee is launching an investigation into what they believe is a pattern of abusive, and perhaps criminal […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the weekend, President Donald Trump spoke at CPAC — the Conservative Political Action Conference — and gave a barn burning, two-hour long monologue that often times veered off script into the bizarre and unhinged. At one point, Mr. Trump began forcing himself physically on an American flag that also happened to […] More
WASHINGTON. D.C. — President Donald Trump abruptly walked away from his much-ballyhooed summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un this week, and is back in the White House. Some have praised Trump for walking away from what he thought was a bad deal with North Korea, and others have wondered if the summit was just […] More
