Mansplaining Now Tops Condoms as Most Effective Contraceptive

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A groundbreaking new scientific study has been released by the National Institute of Procreation Prevention Services may just change the way you, and the rest of humanity, views contraception.

Preventing a pregnancy while still engaging in the physically and emotionally gratifying activity of sex, or “boning it out,” as biologists refer to it, has vexed humankind forever. Ever since the first cave people discovered that they could have sex for pleasure in addition to making a baby, humans have sought to find ways to get their collective swerve on without risking a baby ruining their entire existence less than a year later.

The new study from NIPPS indicates that while condoms remain an extremely effective method of preventing pregnancy — certainly still much higher than the first method created by those same cave people that involved stuffing peas or pebbles into the man’s penile opening — there is a new contraceptive method available that, when used properly, is 99.999999% effective against pregnancy.

“We can say with almost perfect certainty that mansplaning is the most effective form of birth control ever imagined,” Dr. Billy Williamson told reporters at a press conference today.

Dr. Williamson is the chief researcher who helped NIPPS conduct the study, and he says the results are “so amazing” but that he expects it “could take years to make a woman understand them.”

“What we found,” Dr. Williamson said, “is that when a man attempts to explain something to a woman like she’s an idiot and/or she doesn’t already know the very obvious thing he’s explaining to her, he is so highly unlikely to have sex that there is almost a statistical impossibility for a pregnancy to occur from that particular interaction.”

Williamson said there were, as in any study, exceptions to the rule.

“Women who have absolutely no self esteem or a very low sense of self-worth or value are actually missing something in their ears that would allow them to hear mansplaining,” Williamson said. “So in those cases, they might still end up pregnant. Pregnant, for any women in the room, is when you make a baby in your tum tum, okay?”

A female reporter raised her hand.

“Excuse me, Dr. Williamson,” she asked, “but can you really call this a study on contraception if most of the male subjects didn’t have sex?”

Dr. Williamson sighted, slightly, and barely rolled his eyes before regarding the female reporter with an almost genuine smile.

“Actually, as men, Sweetie, we can say our study is about anything we want to,” Williamson explained, “but more to your point, go make me a pie.”

No pie was made.

“Look, I could explain the science to you all,” Williamson said, “but all you lady journalists may need your male colleagues to go over this with you more in depth after the press conference, okay? So maybe it’s best if you all just trust me. I mean, I am a man after all so…”

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EXPOSED: Blogger ‘SciBabe’ gets called out by heroes at US Right to Know

PIEDMONT, CA – The “popular” blogger Yvette d’Entremont, also known as SciBabe, recently came under fire by the heroes at US Right to Know.

Of course, US Right to Know’s mission statement as found on their website is:

Fighting the good fight by spreading misinformation and fear, because you have a right to know what’s in your food, but you don’t have a right to know who is funding US Right to Know, because that would open us up to extremely valid criticism that would reveal our entire purpose for existing, and completely discredit anything we say more than the studies that we cite already do.

Those people over at US Right to Know are really doing God’s work!

SciBabe’s advocacy for people to consume toxic chemicals is well-known and documented. Most recently, she published a blog post on her personal website detailing how the FDA is being paid off by evil low-calorie sweetener companies.

SciBabe fired back at US Right to Know this morning, saying “Your mom.”

 Your mom.

Thankfully there are watchdog groups like US Right to Know, who are well-known for protecting the rights of consumers by embracing science and facts.

US Right to Know recently completed an “investigation” into SciBabe, and the results are terrifying. It turns out that “SciBabe” is a scientist, who has friends that are also scientists, and that as a scientist, SciBabe was given money for being… Yep, you guessed it… A scientist.

Gary Ruskin is an all-natural organic hero who co-founded US Right to Know with Stacy Malkan, who is the author of the devastating tell-all article that Ruskin tweeted out to his tens of hundreds of followers.

In the article, Malkan totally and completely eviscerates SciBabe using brutal takedowns such as “Yvette is a scientist” and “Yvette used to work as a chemist.” At one point, Malkan even points out how d’Entremont is friends with people who are, for lack of a better term, scientists.

SciBabe is part of what she calls the “Kevin Folta Fan Club” defending the University of Florida professor who has repeatedly made false and misleading statements. Joining d’Entremont in the Folta Fan Club photo are Julie Gunlock of the Independent Women’s Forum, a Koch-funded group that partners with Monsanto to downplay fears about pesticides; pesticide defender Julie Kelly; and Monsanto’s social sciences lead Cami Ryan.

When reached for further comment by, Malkan stated:

It just really irks me that SciBabe is so popular and well-liked by people who are respected in the scientific community. I mean really, what gives her the right? She’s funny and smart, sure. And I can’t refute the words she uses because I have just one argument – KEMAKILLZ BAD!

But to try to capitalize on that and make a few bucks writing articles that people enjoy reading? I mean, give me a break. I just kind of wonder what that would be like – to have people actively enjoy reading my content, or even liking me as a person, ya know? I’m just saying, I get pretty lonely sometimes.

I have personally dealt with these twisted people before. Kevin Folta, Julie Kelly, and Cami Ryan are all people that I’ve talked to regularly and who have the audacity to use facts with legitimate sources in their writings. That’s disgusting and makes me sick. How dare they use science and facts to combat emotional arguments! Who do these people think they are?

Malkan added:

I really like how Scibabe talks about all kinds of things, but Gary (we call him Gare-Bear over here at USRTK) never lets me write what I really want to about her. I mean sure, Organic Consumers pays us to say nasty things about her and other scientists, and even harass them by weaponizing FOIA, but deep down I just want to get their attention because I want to try to be friends with them. Not that I need more friends or anything, it’s just my friends are always talking about coconut oil and coffee enemas. Do you think you could put in a good word for us with SciBabe?

The fact is, there is NO safe amount of chemicals for you to ingest – EVER! And what makes it worse is that these companies are pumping your food full of chemicals just to make a better profit.

Stacy Malkan agreed with us on this, and took it a step further. She had this to say as her final thought:

Do you think SciBabe is going to read my article I wrote? What do you think she’ll say? Do you think she’ll talk about me? Maybe even retweet it? SciBabe has almost 30,000 followers on Twitter and I don’t even have 2,500. That would be really huge for me if she would just share something I wrote. I’m totally not jealous of her success or anything, I promise.

Everybody knows that companies like Monsanto only care about their profit margins. Organic companies, even companies who directly fund US Right to Know (like Organic Consumers does, for instance) are all non-profit groups who have absolutely zero special interests. These companies literally work for free, and don’t charge a single cent for the organic products they sell. People like Gary Ruskin and Stacy Malkan are in no way literal organic shills who are enormous hypocrites – They’re heroes.

This story is developing, as our investigation continues.