TUCSON, AZ – A local man who self-identifies as a “barebones Christian” says he doesn’t need to read the Bible to prove that God is real.
Alternative-Science.com reached out to this hero, Zack Norman, who is championing the rights of the oppressed Christian majority.
In a statement, Norman said:
I think that in the Bible, it says that math and science are the language of God. I don’t need facts or evidence to back me up on this, because it feels true to me. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t bothered to read the Bible, or that even if I did, I would realize that nowhere in the Bible does it really talk about math or science. I just know in my heart that if you’re not Christian like me, you’re going to go to hell. And that brings me great comfort!
Alternative-Science.com pointed out that the Bible says bats are birds, rather than the mammals. To quote the Bible itself:
“‘These are the birds you are to regard as unclean and not eat because they are unclean: the eagle, the vulture, the black vulture, he red kite, any kind of black kite, any kind of raven, the horned owl, the screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, the little owl, the cormorant, the great owl, 18 the white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat.
Here’s what Zack had to say:
I don’t really care what every single biologist in the entire world has to say. I’ve never read the Bible, so I don’t have to know what it says to know that what I believe is true. That means that since I’ve never talked to a biologist, I can create my own version of reality where bats are birds. Checkmate!
Alternative-Science.com then pointed out that the Bible was also wrong about mustard seeds being the smallest seed:
He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”
and again in the book of Mark:
Again he said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? 31 It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. 32 Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.”
Mark was not amused.
Don’t you get it? I’VE NEVER READ THE BIBLE. So you can’t hold me accountable for what it has to say, even if you point out very clearly things that are absolutely and completely wrong. It doesn’t matter to me that a supposed all-knowing creator would be wrong in his own book because I haven’t read it. It’s just not fair for you to hold me intellectually accountable for my own thoughts. Stop being such a bully!
This story is still developing and will be updated.