TINFOIL, TEXAS — Jussie Smollett appears to be in a mess of hot water, now that the hoax of the hate crime he reported has been fully outed. In a matter of just a few short weeks, the “Empire” actor has gone from a sympathetic victim of a horrific act to a damaged, selfish, perplexing liar who capitalized on the horror of real hate crimes to try to get himself a higher paycheck.
Today, producers of the show Smollett appeared on announced that he was being suspended indefinitely following his arrest for faking his assault. But if he was worried about paying his bills after being suspended, and possibly fired, help in the form of perhaps an unforeseen ally may have just ridden to Jussie’s rescue. And that ally is Alex Jones’ media outlet, InfoWars.
“While perhaps no organization was more disappointed in Jussie faking his hate crime and blaming it on MAGA boys than we were,” InfoWars Deputy CEO Jack Johnathan told reporters this morning at a press conference in front of the self-storage unit Alex Jones uses as his InfoWars headquarters, “the simple truth is that a news outlet like us can always use someone who is handy at making stuff up.”
Johnathan says that Smollett will be assigned to one of a handful of beats that InfoWars believes he’s best suited for.
“We’re thinking he could be our entertainment or gay frog chemtrail reporter,” Johnathan announced. “All of that is up in the air though. We could even create a beat just for him and let him be the editor. We’re sure that Jussie’s bullshitting skills will make him a perfect fit no matter what made-up story we have him cover!”
Working for InfoWars will not preclude Smollett from seeking employment with other interested outlets, Johnathan announced.
“If Jussie wants to work for Breitbart, I’m sure they’d have him too,” Johnathan explained. “Hell, I think any outlet that ran a story about Hillary Clinton’s kill list, or Barack Obama’s terrorist fist bumps with Michelle would probably be looking for someone with Jussie’s proven skill at completely fabricating stories.”
Representatives for Mr. Smollett could not be reached before publication.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.