WASHINGTON, D.C. — The battle between the Trump administration and so-called “sanctuary cities” is really starting to heat up. It was revealed in a newspaper report that President Trump asked DHS officials if detained migrants at the southern border could simply be dropped off within the city limits of those municipalities who consider themselves “sanctuary” […] More
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Trump Pediatric Windmill Cancer Foundation has been formally accused by the State of New York of misappropriating funds that were supposed to go to research into and medical care for children afflicted with windmill turbine cancer. This is the second time a Trump-connected pediatric cancer charity has been accused […] More
For years, zoologists and veterinarians have known but not understood a curious fact about common domesticated house cats. That fact is: They love to get high and watch episodes of “Queer Eye” on Netflix. The fact that cats like the combination of cannabis and fun, life-affirming reality shows is as common knowledge among animal lovers […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, NASA released the very first images of a black hole ever. Reaction to the photo was largely positive, though Fox News contributing racist blonde Muppet Timbale Lahren worried it showed “reverse racism.” One person who did not comment on the black hole pictures, however, was President Donald Trump. While there are […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As SpaceX, billionaire inventor Elon Musk’s aerospace company, readies to launch a Saudi communications satellite on its next Falcon Heavy mission later today, the White House has let down quite a few million Americans. “The president will not be on Falcon Heavy, despite prior rumors,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters […] More
VALLE INSÍPIDO, CALIFORNIA — Fox News contributing racist Tomahawk Lahren does not like black holes, and she has made it a lifelong mission of hers to get them renamed as “white holes’ because,. as her hashtag states, #AllHolesMatter. Last year,Tuberculosis started the hashtag when someone made her aware that there was something in the world […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — NASA sent several hundred media outlets the first ever pictures of a black hole. “We’ve exposed a part of our universe we’ve never seen before,” said Shep Doeleman, an astronomer at Harvard University who directed the effort to capture the image, during a Wednesday news conference. (The Failing New York Times) Our […] More
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Windmill cancer, or wind cancer as it’s also referred to, is a very real, very serious, very deadly disease. Caused by the noise from wind turbines producing so-called “clean” or “renewable” energy, windmill cancer is so serious a threat to mankind that the President of the United States recently announced he would require his replacement […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the weekend, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen tendered her resignation, signalling yet another departure from President Donald Trump‘s cabinet. There has been widespread reporting in multiple outlets that Nielsen and Trump were constantly ad odds over DHS immigration and border policies. Reportedly, Mr. Trump would on occasion call Secretary […] More
PALM BEACH, FLORIDA — Conservative talk radio host and 2003 winner of the “Smelliest Farts Imaginable Award” from <em>Republican Monthly Magazine </em>Rush Limbaugh doesn’t buy into evolution at all. Last year, Limbaugh went on a rant about Harambe, the gorilla who was shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo when a small child got into his enclosure. […] More
