WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, NASA released the very first images of a black hole ever. Reaction to the photo was largely positive, though Fox News contributing racist blonde Muppet Timbale Lahren worried it showed “reverse racism.”
One person who did not comment on the black hole pictures, however, was President Donald Trump. While there are not many subjects that he has chosen to remain quiet on, many people were surprised when the president didn’t even try to take credit for the picture being released during his tenure. However, this morning in a cabinet meeting, Trump did speak briefly about the black hole, and asked one of his cabinet members if he had more information on it than most might.
“Did you all get a chance to see the black hole my NASA nerds took a picture of, or whatever? Truly bigly stuff,” Trump said. “I don’t remember Previous Black Administration accomplishing anything like this. Of course the FAKE NEWS ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE won’t report on this. They’re still obsessed with seeing the Mueller Report even though my Attorney General already told them the witch hunt totally exonerated me, like most witch hunts do.”
Trump turned to HUD Secretary Ben Carson, and slapped him on the shoulder. This startled Carson awake.
“Ben! Ben! Did you see that black hole, Ben,” Trump asked Carson, who wiped sleep out of his eyes. “Ben! Wake up Benny! I wanna ask you something about that black hole in the picture.”
Carson shook his head cartoonishly. He let out a big yawn. Smiling, he told Trump he was “all ears.”
“Okay, so, I was wondering, do you know that black hole? Are you friends with it,” Trump asked. “I know you guys tend to all hang out together. I learned that from watching The Jeffersons and 227.”
Just a month into his presidency, President Trump famously asked African American reporter April Ryan to help facilitate a meeting between himself and the Congressional Black Caucus.
“Tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting? Do you want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours? Set up a meeting.” (Washington Post)
When Trump asked Carson if he was friends with the black hole, the room grew quiet. Sensing the tension in the air, the president explained himself.
“You know how black things all tend to look the same to me,” Trump said to Carson. “If I couldn’t tell the difference between the Central Park 5 and five guilty men, what makes you think I’d be able to tell the difference between a black hole and a black a-hole? Sheesh.”
For his part, Secretary Carson didn’t seem bothered by the question at all.
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“Sure, Mr. President. I’m good friends with the black hole,” Carson told Trump. “I remember our deal when you offered me this job. Shut up, only speak when spoken to, and agree with literally everything you say, sir.”
Trump patted his HUD secretary on the shoulder.
“Exactly, Ben. Exactly,” Trump told Carson. “I told them all you were one of the good ones, once of the nice ones we can trust. Not to count my money, of course, ha ha ha ha get it? I made a great joke, you should all be laughing.”
Trump looked at everyone in the room until they started laughing, forcefully.
“That’s better. Keep laughing while I go have Executive Time,” Trump said as he left the room and headed to the bathroom, neglecting to close the door behind him.
At the time of publication, Trump’s cabinet was still watching him sit on the toilet and tweet.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.