NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Nielsen Ratings company has been tracking what Americans watch and how many of them watch it for decades. There is probably no more trusted name in television ratings than Nielsen. This week, Nielsen reported that Michael Cohen’s testimony before the House Oversight and Reform committee drew roughly 16 million […] More
AIR FORCE INDIVIDUAL-1 — During his meeting with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un, President Donald Trump handed his counterpart a map of the United States. The map was color-coded. Red states for the ones that voted for him, blue for those that did not. “Okay, Kim baby, any of the blue ones you can point […] More
WASHINGTON. D.C. — At the time of publication, White House medical staff is boarding a supersonic jet to Vietnam, hoping that once they arrive they will be able to extricate the foot of Michael Cohen, his former attorney, from the rectum of President Donald J. Trump. Doctors say it was Cohen’s testimony before the House […] More
VIETNAM — No one can ever accuse President Donald Trump of not dressing up for an occasion, and even important international diplomatic summits require a certain panache and flair for the stylish, which to all outside observers perfectly describes the commander in chief. That’s why he wasted no time in making the executive decision to […] More
WHITE HOOD, ALABAMA — Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was stopped outside his favorite quick service seafood restaurant this afternoon and asked about Spike Lee’s acceptance speech at this year’s Oscars. Winning the first Academy Award of his long and prestigious career, Lee spoke mostly of the legacy of African Americans and particular black America’s […] More
Last night, iconic film director Spike Lee made personal history when he was finally awarded an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Lee won for his work adapting “Black KKKlansman” for the silver screen. Lee made headlines not just for jumping into the arms of his friend Samuel L. Jackson as he prepared to accept […] More
This morning, the results of a new flash poll were released and executives on the board of PETA — People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals — may not want to read them. Over the past two days, polling company We Poll You So Hard teamed up with The Bishopford Gazette in upstate New York to ask more than […] More
TINFOIL, TEXAS — Jussie Smollett appears to be in a mess of hot water, now that the hoax of the hate crime he reported has been fully outed. In a matter of just a few short weeks, the “Empire” actor has gone from a sympathetic victim of a horrific act to a damaged, selfish, perplexing […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In federal court on Thursday, President Donald Trump’s longest-running political adviser and ally, Roger Stone, was placed a full gag order, barring him from speaking in public about his trial at all. Stone will be allowed to declare his innocence, but Judge Amy Berman Jackson officially and legally forbade him from commenting […] More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning President Trump signed an executive order and declared a national emergency which he says gives him the authority to seize all meme production in the United States of America. “Memes are often used to make this thing called ‘satire,’ which I don’t really get, but I’m told is used on Saturday […] More
