REFUGE DE VIOLEUR, ALABAMA – Today, lawmakers in Alabama announced that they have officially decriminalized rape because when you think about it, it’s really not that big of a deal.
Alabama State Representative Terri Collins (R), who co-sponsored the bill, said “We’ve already seen a huge outpouring of support for my bill to make abortion illegal. I mean, wow. The vote was 74 to 3. The people have spoken! So we figured we’d take the next logical step.”
Speaking on the floor of the State House, Collins continued:
“Now that we’ve made it illegal for anyone to get an abortion, we need to do what’s right for the good people of Alabama. It’s high time we decriminalize rape because, you know, when you think about it, it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean really, do we want our teen daughters to go through raising their rape baby on their own? Of course not. We need to keep families together, and the best way to do that is to decriminalize rape.”
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“Gone will be the days of these good, hardworking men being imprisoned just because they were tricked into raping an 11 or 12 year old girl. I’ve talked to a lot of these fine gentlemen, and they all tell me that they’re not the ones to blame – if these girls didn’t want the attention, why were they dressed that way in the first place?”
Not everyone was in agreement with Rep. Collins. Speaking in dissent, House Minority Leader Anthony Daniels (D) said the following:
“What the fuck? I mean seriously. What the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Holy shit.”
This story is still developing and will be updated as more news becomes available.
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